The original George Drosis Logothetis

Among many other accomplishments, my father was a Korean War paratrooper who served in the 101st Airborne division, on the 187th Regimental Combat Team. As a “Rakkasan” (Japanese for “falling umbrella man) he completed 22 jumps, won 5 medals and was MIA for 8 days. 

I did paintball, though! 

 

Hittin’ On A 21

After several days of no sleep, too many complimentary cervezas, and watching my buddy win two G’s in the sports book while I lost big, I was down to one dollar. I decided to throw it away and be done with it, but lo and behold, I won.  What happened next may be one of the most boneheaded moves in the history of gambling.

But at least I got this set of lyrics out of it, which might work for a talkin’ folk, blues, or country number:

I was in the Flamingo
And I had a buck to blow.
So I stepped out of the sports book
And I took myself a look.

I hit that gaming floor with no idea what to do.
Then I saw this wheel with numbers there like “two.”
I laid my dollar down and spun that wheel around.
Was walking away when I heard that winning sound.

Ten to one were the odds, so now I had a larger bill.
I put that ten on the table for another thrill.
I never thought I’d beat that dealer’s hand.
But I had some luck and them cards I did command.

I won and won and the chips flew in.
And before I knew it I was laughin’.
I couldn’t help but hoot and holler
‘Cause my investment was only a dollar.

That buck grew to hundreds, but still I wanted more.
A smarter and more sober man woulda headed to the door.
But I let it ride like suicide and pushed my chips right in.
There wasn’t much I could do but give in to the sin.

The dealer showed the ace of spades but I only had fourteen.
I tapped my hand, took a card, wouldn’t believe what I seen.
Was a seven, yes a seven, added up to twenty-one.
But my mind was all a blur and I wasn’t just quite done.

I said ‘hit me dealer, hit me now, you know I want a card.’
So what’d that dealer do, he threw down a cowboy hard.
Then he swept up all my chips and they all started laughin’
I just hung my head and cried into a napkin.

Only a man like me could make himself lose
Even with a winning hand.
Only a man like me could not have a clue
And be the laughing stock of the land.

There’s stupid and there’s dumb.
Then there’s hittin’ on a twenty-one.
I guess I’m stupid, guess I’m dumb.
Cause that’s exactly what I done.

The best place to read The Odyssey

cropped-agiofili.jpg

. . . is where it actually happened.

This is Agiofili beach, on the island of Lefkada, on the west coast of Greece. Ithaki, the mythical home of Odysseus, lies across a narrow straight.

I would not suggest reading The Gulag Archipelago where that actually happened, however.

Umlaut Heavy Metal Usage

Screen Shot 2017-02-13 at 10.38.39 AM
Recent findings have concluded that when it comes to umlaut usage, Motorhead uses the mark in the most correct fashion, to form the rounded “O” sound in the second syllable, whereas Motley Crue uses the umlaut incorrectly, as the “O” in “Motley” is short and not rounded. Even if we are to accept Vince, Nikki, Mick and Tommy’s use of the umlaut above the “u” in “Crue,” the band name would be still be pronounced as “Mooo-tley Cruuuu” if we are to adhere to the umlaut’s role in the Germanic idiom.
 
Blue Oyster Cult’s use of the umlaut is equally as problematic, as the mark is used just as gratuitously, with the rounded “O” pronunciation rendering the band’s name, when spoken aloud, as “Blue Oooo-ster Cult.”
 
The poor umlaut is further abused by Queensryche. Placing it above the hybrid vowel “Y” not only confuses things further, but does not lend itself to linguistically ‘rounding’ the syllable as easily as the letter “O,” with “Queens-rooooke” being the unfortunate result.
 
We conclude that only Motorhead had even the faintest knowledge of the umlaut’s true role / usage beyond being harnessed as a superfluous graphic element to convey Teutonic boldness, bravery or toughness.
 
Kudos to Lemmy, Fast Eddie and Philthy Phil for their linguistic and phonetic prowess.

News From Hell #4


screen-shot-2017-01-02-at-3-30-25-pm


Are you tired of intelligence?
Do you suffer from fits of reason, spasms of mental agility and blazing epiphanies of insight?
If you’re one of the few remaining human beings afflicted from the curse of knowledge and self-awareness, don’t despair – there’s a way you can eliminate these troublesome maladies once and for all.
It’s called Religion.
Religion is the fast-acting, fool-friendly, long-lasting, centuries-proven method of obliterating virtually all independent thought.
Why discern truth on your own?
Why decipher the mysteries of life by obeying your own inner belief system when you can have religion apply a ruthless, inflexible order upon your entire existence?
With religion, you can achieve mindlessness. Enjoy conformity. And suppress your innermost desires in favor of surrendering to half-truths, outright fallacies, and archaic ideologies.
Imagine gazing at Byzantine-era icons whose sad, leaden eyes bore straight through to your soul and make you feel a profound unworthiness. Picture yourself holding your arms high into the air in blind supplication to a higher power that may or may not exist. With religion, your guilt-ridden pathway to being equal parts pious and obsequious, it’s all possible.
And best of all, no matter what ethnicity you are, religion fits the fabric of your life perfectly.
That’s because religion is customizable. Scalable. And available in a variety of convenient, ready to apply denominations.
Whether it’s Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Hinduism, Gnostism, Sufism, Taoism, Rastafari, Sufi, Sunni, Kanye, the Dallas Cowboys, or any number of other innumerable faiths and belief structures, religion offers everything you need to quell any and all cognitive process.
To get started, simply fall on your knees, renounce your cerebrum, and dig out a few greenbacks.
Because while the church and state are separated, your wallet and the church are not.

NOTE: I write these newly formed headlines into news stories, or whatever other format strikes me –this one seemed perfect for an infomercial.

News From Hell is a series of satiric verbal collages made from words excised from New York Times headlines. These new headlines depict a world where all sorts of hilarious and unsettling things happen. Whether witty, absurd, or philosophical, each of these reconstructed headlines reinterprets the events of our times. Each entry is a thought worth pondering in itself – but when read collectively, News From Hell functions as wry poetic commentary and a socio-political critique on the state of our civilization, and the horrors and humors within it.